La Catrina El Ultimo Secreto Episodio Uno: Donde esta la biblioteca
Alexa (Mila Kunis) and Jaimie (Willis) have grown up drastically, and Jaimie also briefly had cancer which is why she is now bald and also a man. Alexa is now a partner at a prestigious law firm, Miguel & Don. Jaimie is an accountant at Wells Fargo. One day, Alexa accidentally bumps into her old friend Jaimie, while trying to shelter her tax dollars at the Cayman Islands. Jamie is surprised Alexa doesn't recognize her. Alexa and Jamie reminisce about their time together at highschool. As previously mentioned, no actors from the previous miniseries appear, so all characters in the flashback are played by a contractually-obligated Bruce Willis. Alexa and Jamie look at each other, realizing that they have lost their deep and meaningful Spanish roots from their high school Spanish class. They decide to take a trip to Mexico.
In the next scene, Don Silvestre is shown rising from the dead. He cocks a shotgun, blows a hole in his own casket, and climbs to freedom. He vows to seek revenge on Jamie, who humiliated him and took his fortune. He recruits Santana (the spy from the previous film, now played by Don Cheadle) to join his cause, and the two set out to find the man who originally betrayed them: Don Demetrio.
La Catrina El Ultimo Secreto Episodio Dos: No se
Alexa and Jaimie chat about what has happened to them since they left high school. Alexa asks Jamie how she likes her job. Jamie replies " Χριστός Ανέστη" (Christ has risen). Unfortunately, all the Latin Willis knew came from Sunday school. Alexa remarks that time has passed by so quickly, and eventually humanity will be nothing but dust. "Abstinentia" (Abstinence) replied Jamie. The plane experiences some turbulence, and a few passengers fall out. Alexa is sad that Jamie has lost her ability to speak Spanish, and Jamie is sad that Alexa is speaking garbled jumblewords. Because of this, Jamie believes that Alexa is an invalid, and needs to go home. The plane lands, and at the airport, they stumble into Rogelio. Jamie and Alexa remark on what a coincidence it is, but Rogelio explains that he's been following them for the past 10 years. Jamie remarks that Christ has risen, and Alexa worries that Jamie has joined a cult. Rogelio offers to let them stay at his house, and they accept. Rogelio explains that he has become very wealthy by selling yogurt. Alexa finds this odd, but Jamie (Willis) pretends to understand everything he is saying. By the end of this scene. all the clothes (that had been designed for Sosa) had been accidentally ripped by Willis. It is for this reason that by the end of this scene, Jamie wears a large bed sheet over her head instead of clothes. Many viewers have questioned if Willis wore clothes under the bed sheet, leading to some controversy. Jamie's unconventional style of dress continues from this point onward.
Meanwhile, Don Silvestre has bought a leather jacket and a Harley. Santana still wears glasses inside, believing himself to be Cyclops from the Fantastic Four. The two are having trouble locating Don Demetrio, and go to the library, hoping to find information. However, once they arrive, they find Don Demetrio working as the librarian. Silvestre mentions that a librarian is a horrible cover identity, since he is in reality an actual librarian. They question him as to the location of the will of La Catrina, but Demetrio tells them he doesn't know where it is. Silvestre pulls out his own spine and brandishes it as a sword. Santana is briefly impressed. Demetrio, now aware that Silvestre is undead, tells Santana that Pedro (Galifinakis) may know the location of the will. Galifinakis was also going through money troubles at the time, due to the failure of his and Willis' movie Bald and Beardy Can't Find Decent Prostitutes. He also didn't speak spanish, and said his lines in a series of grunts.
La Catrina El Ultimo Secreto Episodio Tres: Que hora sera?
Jamie (Willis) is surprised to learn that everyone in Mexico speaks the same type of jumblewords as Alexa. She starts to believe that everyone in Mexico is clinically insane. A white tourist (Rick Santorum) visiting Mexico can't believe the amount of illegal immigrants there are there. Santorum later stated that he "didn't know he was being filmed", The two go shopping, and buy some of Rogelio's yogurt. However, once they open up the yogurt package, they find meth. The two confront Rogelio about the meth in his yogurt, and he is surprised that anyone actually bought his crappy yogurt. Rogelio explains that he put his life savings into Rogelio's Laxative Yogurts (Trademarked), but that the yogurt was 98% ground-up laxative, and 2% milk. This was due to the fact that Rogelio thought he was selling laxatives, however accidentally sold yogurt instead. Alexa explains that Rogelio dug himself into a financial hole with shoddy accounting, bad management skills, and poor business practices. While she explains, Jaimie (Willis) is in the bathroom screaming. As a method actor, Willis had taken plenty of laxatives before the scene in order to prepare himself. The scene ends with a montage of laxative-induced pooping, set to Michael Jackson's Thriller. When the educational movie series was in theaters, the montage was met with uproarious applause.
Meanwhile, Don Silvestre is having some trouble of his own. Felipe (Broderick) has started working for Mexican Intelligence, and has finally caught up to Silvestre at a gas station. He explains that Silvestre is wanted on 5 counts of corn-poisoning, 42 counts of corn tax-evasion, and 5,634 counts of negligent homicide. Silvestre explains that Felipe can't stop him, as Silvestre is not really alive, but a spirit possessing his own dead corpse. He gets back on his Harley, and rides off. Felipe decides not to pursue, since he only has a day left until retirement. Santana walks out of the bathroom, and is surprised to find Silvestre gone. He concludes that the aliens have finally got him, and shakes his fist at the sky.
La Catrina El Ultimo Secreto Episode Cuatro: Donde estas?
Rogelio pleads with Jamie and Alexa to help him. It is revealed that El Chapo has escaped a high security prison through a giant gaping hole, and is on his way to take out Rogelio. Jamie tells him that this is impossible, as Spanish authorities would never be that incompetent. Alexa however, believes him, and states that she will help. Jaimie agrees to tag along, and achieve a life long dream of fighting a drug cartel. Rogelio explains that they need weapons to defend themselves, but he doesn't want to obtain them illegally. Alexa points out that he has been selling meth for the past 10 years. Jaimie attempts to purchase a gun, but is prevented by Mexico's surprisingly strict and well-enforced gun regulations. She (he?) quickly drives back over the border and buys some automatic weapons. They set up defense at Rogelio's grandmother's house. Betty White has a brief cameo. They see El Chapo approaching the door and ready their weapons. However, he is only there to pick up Rogelio's grandmother for a date. El Chapo portrays himself. When asked whether he was worried that Mexican authorities might catch him, he responded that he carries a shovel just in case. Rogelio is incredibly embarrassed, but questions who has been sabotaging his yogurt/meth/laxative shipments.
In the next scene, Santana is shown drinking apple juice out of a sippy cup at the counter of a local diner. He is filling out an application for the Fantastic Four, stating that Five also starts with an F. Pedro (Galifinakis) emerges from the diner's bathroom, where he has been for the past 96 hours. He orders a donut, and takes the seat next to Santana. The two bond over their hatred of Apartheid, and Pedro has a long monologue about how humanity cannot understand itself. breeding hatred as a result. The speech was widely acclaimed, despite it being a series of grunts. Galifinakis later stated that he didn't actually say anything and was actually choking. Santana recounts his tale of woe to Pedro. Pedro realizes that Silvestre is on to him, and thanks Santana for the warning. Santana is not sure what he means, but is glad that he could help. He makes a reservation at McDonald's , and leaves to go search for Silvestre.